How to Overcome Perfectionism – The Number One Way to Stop Being a Perfectionist

 There is a pretty good chance that if you have come across this post that you yourself struggle with perfectionism. Either you are a perfectionist, or are trying to become perfectionist. Or maybe you already recognize the frustrations that come with being a perfectionist and are desperate for change. This post is written for the heart that constantly feels discouraged and defeated by the expectation of perfection. My hope is that through this, there can be freedom. And that freedom can be implemented immediately in order to start living your very best life right now. Sharing the truth in how to overcome perfectionism for once and for all. 

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How to Actually Overcome Perfectionism for Once and For All

Can you believe that it is June? That’s insane to me. We are making our way through summer, and I am so here for it. If you are looking for a list of fun things to do to help inspire you to live a more intentional life this month, be sure to check out the June intentional to-do list. Specific things to do this month that are fun, and exciting things you can do with your family. Things to do to really just take pause be more present and more real. A list to encourage you to spend time doing the things that matter the most.

I feel like today’s message is definitely something that’s going to speak directly to your soul. the focus is all about perfectionism. Yes, I’m speaking to the perfectionists in the world. The wannabe perfectionists and the unfortunate perfectionists. Speaking to the heart that constantly feels discouraged and defeated by this expectation of perfection.

My true hope and desire is that you can experience freedom from perfectionism and that freedom can be implemented immediately to start living your very best life. Specifically, by hearing a truth in how to overcome the fear that is holding you back. As well, as overcome perfectionism for once and for all. 

My Own Personal Struggles with Perfectionism 

I have to be completely honest with you.  I am a perfectionist, and I have been my whole entire life. In fact, when I was in third grade, the comment that my teacher wrote on my report card, and this was back when you actually got printed report cards. Nothing was digital. It was mailed in a very fancy school envelope, and the comment for my behavior said that I was a perfectionist and needed to work on it.

I saw that remark on the report card, and I was furious. Third grade me remembered feeling really big emotions about this one little comment. A specific comment on my report card that is telling me that I am doing something wrong. The perfectionist in me could not take it! Well, that was third grade, and now I am 30 years old, and not much has changed.

Despite My Best Intentions

Despite my best intentions, despite daily telling myself, no one is perfect, so why the heck are you even trying to be? I still find myself routinely having insane expectations for myself in every area of my life and beyond. And of course I’m always falling short. It’s impossible to be perfect. Yet I am so committed to that process that truth be told I am missing out on a whole lot of life because of it. Can you relate?

Maybe this sounds familiar. Maybe you understand the thought of, “well, I’m not a perfectionist, or I’m a perfectionist, but I know I can’t be because no one is,” and this is really holding you back. It’s a limiting thought belief. You recognize the problem, so you verbalize, I am not going to be a perfectionist. However, in your head, internally, as you establish your hopes and dreams and goals and standards and expectations for yourself. You are still staying true to that perfectionist mentality.

The Perfectionist Teacher in Me

For example, as a teacher, I see this a lot within myself when I am planning lessons and planning PowerPoints, organizers and lessons for students. I look at the entire course curriculum and I look at older materials and think, this needs to be updated. This needs to be better. Furthermore, this needs to be perfect. And I set these crazy, ridiculous standards that everything needs to be perfect.

Not just everything needs to be perfect, but I need to memorize the perfect lecture. I need to research every possible ancillary material and supplementary work to support, insert whatever history topic you can think of, for example, the Mongol conquest of Persia. While, that’s impossible. And yet, I constantly live out my life with this expectation for perfection and it is not good nor is it healthy.

Perfectionism in Our Culture and Our Society

If any of this is sounding familiar and you also struggle with this, keep reading. My hope is that there is something in this message today for you and for your heart to hopefully release this feeling of perfection. And allow you to really continue forward in the direction of your dreams.

In that freedom that we all desire to truly live in and walk through. We live in a culture and a society that preaches perfection. Even when all the voices, all the leaders, all say no. It’s in the competition for jobs. It’s in the competition for college acceptances, especially as a teacher. I see this consistently in the classroom, especially teaching seniors through test scores and acceptance to whichever university or waitlisted to whichever university.

This expectation for achieving perfection and that as the ticket to a life lived well. And there’s so many things that are missing from that. Yet our society and our culture places a strict emphasis on that. However, there is so much more!

Two Types of Perfectionists 

I think we all understand what a perfectionist is. I think we all understand the different qualities that a perfectionist carries with them. According to Northwestern University there are two different types of perfectionists. Some individuals exhibit characteristics that are typical of a healthy perfectionist, while others exhibit characteristics of a maladaptive perfectionist.

Maladaptive means a trait that is actually more harmful than helpful, so something that is not doing good. Within this framework, a healthy perfectionist is a person who grows through challenging themselves with healthy high expectations. For example, by setting high goals and standards for themselves. When challenges and failures take place, they learn through them, and they rise.

A Maladaptive Perfectionist

While, on the other hand, a maladaptive perfectionist refers to placing extremely high, unrealistic expectations on yourself and the situation. In that case, it results in ultra obsession towards working to achieve that goal. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, the tendency to freeze up and avoid activity altogether.

When you feel that pressure to be best of all things, that’s when perfectionism can truly harm us. And it is from that belief that we need to work to overcome so that we can remove the roadblock that is truly setting us back and standing in the way of our success. And that is exactly what the focus is on here. How to actually overcome perfectionism for once and for all?

The Number One Way to Actually Overcome Perfectionism

Because it is possible. There is a way to overcome perfectionism. The number one way to finally overcome perfectionism, is the consistent commitment to surrendering. You can learn to overcome perfectionism by surrendering it all. Taking that will within you that has to be perfect and surrendering it. Letting it go, releasing it to the powers that be and departing from that mindset.

Instead, setting your sights in the future in a freedom, that has the potential for actual greatness. Therefore, the number one way to overcome perfectionism for once and for all is the consistent commitment to surrendering.

The Act of Surrender

When you surrender something, you are releasing it. You are saying, this is not me. I can’t do this on my own and I am letting it go.  And when you are talking about the act of surrender, for a lot of people, that is associated with a spiritual belief. A lot of people associate that with their faith. If you are faith based, then you are surrendering this and surrendering your perfectionism to the Lord, to whoever you believe in.

If your faith is something that isn’t as significant to you, you can still surrender this desire of perfection to something. Find something that matters to you, something that is extremely important, something that holds great significance and meaning to your life and surrender it. Let it go. 

The Physical Process of Surrender

Physically, find a process to let this surrender take place. Create some sort of ritual that you can do in order to just release it all and physically demonstrate the letting it go. Once you let that go, that is where the freedom is. Now, is it really that simple? Yes, it is. Then why can we not do it? Because we are perfectionists, and we have these “but” clauses that we come up with too frequently.

Okay, yes, I will surrender, but I will only surrender it so then I can be a perfectionist. Or I will only do this so then I can reach more or achieve more. It is imperative that you let go of that thought process too. You have to surrender that thought process.

Three Ways to Practice Surrendering Your Perfectionism

So to help you out, and in order to learn how to overcome perfectionism for once and for all, there are three things to consider. Specifically, three ways to actually allow you to surrender your perfectionism. Three super tactical strategies to truly learn once and for all how to overcome perfectionism. Three ways for you, today, to start practicing the art of surrendering your perfectionism.

How to Overcome Perfectionism #1 – Uncover the Root 

The very first way to overcome perfectionism is to uncover the root.  In order to truly dig deep and surrender this desire for perfection is to uncover the root of it all. This requires you to dig deep and sit through your thoughts and feelings and process through the origin of them. Sit with them, work through them, figure out where did this thought come from and why? Why does it hold significant meaning in my life? Who is it connected to? 

Once you can do that, it can allow you to truly uncover the root of where your perfectionism is coming from. Why is it that you desire to achieve this state of perfection that we know doesn’t even exist? Is this root connected to a family member? A close mentor in your life growing up? Or maybe it is connected more to a pressure you feel from society or culture. Is it closely connected to your definition of success?  If so, how can you rewrite and reestablish your beliefs in those areas to truly uncover that root and set it free?

Therefore, the very first thing to do to be able to actually surrender this desire for perfectionism is to figure out where it is rooted from. What about you is so set on being perfect? Is it connected to a fear? Is it connected to a misguided belief? Or maybe it is connected to an insecurity of how you feel deep down? Whatever it is, sit through it, work through it, process it, and uncover the root. That is the first step, the first key to be able to truly surrender your perfectionism

How to Overcome Perfectionism #2 – Redefine Your Expectations

The second way to overcome perfectionism is to redefine your expectations. In order to surrender perfectionism for once and for all, it is essential to redefine your expectations. Take purposeful moments and work to redefine what it is you are truly after. What is it that you are trying to accomplish? Furthermore, what is it that you are working towards? Can you alter your goals just a little bit? Are your objectives and tasks that you are working towards optimized for success? Or have you automatically set yourself up for failure?

Is it truly realistic to set out and dream the dream you are dreaming? Or, do you need to redefine and rework what you hope the end result can be to allow yourself to actually get there? This is not about selling yourself short or limiting your own beliefs. but more so finding the true freedom that comes from surrendering the art of perfectionism.

The Beautiful Thing That Happens With Surrender

When you can surrender the art of perfectionism, you actually allow yourself to think more clearly, to work even harder, and to achieve even more. Because you are removing the incredibly binding standard you have set on yourself. And when you redefine your expectations for what that looks like, that helps you actively surrender your desire for perfectionism in it all.

For example, as a working mom who also strongly desires to be able to maintain a perfectly clean, neat, and organized home. Clean and clear from clutter, debris, dog hair. A perfectly clean kitchen. Organized drawers, and always empty hampers, unfolded and put away clean laundry. If I maintained this expectation of perfection for my home, I would always be thinking of myself poorly for constantly failing in this regard. 

And yes, maybe for you, your home is your sanctified place, and you maintain nearly perfect control over the cleanliness of your home. And if that is you, you are incredible, and I am in awe. But I have a feeling if you find yourself here, then you and I are in closer company of understanding the true desire to maintain a clean, and organized home, but struggling to do so.

How Redefining Your Expectations Creates Freedom

If you work to redefine your expectations, that is one step to giving you the freedom you need to overcome perfectionism. Instead of, I need everything to be clean, focus then on what are the areas that are absolutely necessary to be maintained in order to have the peace you need.

Instead, this list may look like a clean kitchen, a made up bed, vacuumed floors, wiped down bathroom cabinets, and a refreshed workspace.  Now, what you have done is you have refined and redefined your expectation of perceived perfection and you have done it in a way that can actually set yourself up for success instead of immediate and restrictive failure.

By doing this, by taking the different avenues of your life and working to rewrite and redefine what your expectation for success or expectation for a job well done is, you are allowing yourself to surrender the perfectionist in you and overcome perfectionism for once and for all.

How to Overcome Perfectionism #3 – Take a Deep Breath and Release it All

The third and final way to overcome perfectionism and fully surrender it all is to take a deep breath and release it all.  Take a moment and to take these moments frequently and as often as you possibly can to take a deep breath and to truly release it all. To breathe deep and release the desire to have it all. The desire to be perfect, the expectations for success that are actually limiting you and holding you back.

Physically Release Yourself from Perfectionism

And if you can do something physical to symbolize the emotional weight that is being released as you depart from this former way of thinking, then even better, strongly encouraged in fact.  Release it through exercise. Find some strenuous task that is challenging and physical that you jive with.

In that process, as you are physically sweating, physically pushing yourself to your next limit. Allow that to be the process where you release this all, once and for all. Release it through journaling. Physically state, through your written words on the paper, that you are releasing it. That you are setting aside these feelings. You are removing them from your internal thought process. And physically write that down. 

Release Perfectionism Through Affirmations

Another great way to overcome perfectionism by surrendering it is through affirmations.  Use the spoken word to speak and to affirm positive thinking and mantras over your life so that you can be very clear in the path that you are going. A path that is free from the lie and the bind of perfection. If affirmations are your thing, then be sure to receive a copy of your very own affirmations for the perfectionist.

Finally, release it through prayer. Again, if your faith is something of significance to you. Release the desire, the weight of perfectionism, and release it through prayer and truly surrender it for once and for all.

No matter which way you physically release it, the important thing is that you do release it. Release the desire of perfection. Release the expectation of perfection. And once you do that, you can start to feel the weight dissipate. You can feel the freedom. You can feel more room to breathe. More room to dream, more room to create and to think and to do.

Room Where You Can Thrive

There is more room for you to truly thrive when you can release all the things that are tied to the perfectionist in you.  And since I am speaking to the perfectionist, you do need to hear this right now. Nothing about this process needs to be done perfectly. You don’t need to wait until the perfect moment, or until you feel ready, or the moment feels right.

You don’t need to wait until you have it all together, or look or feel the part. The most important thing is to just start. And I encourage you to start today. The process doesn’t have to be pretty. It doesn’t have to be elegant, nor does it have to be aesthetically pleasing. The important thing is it just needs to be done. Therefore, don’t wait. Don’t let the hold or the weight of perfectionism hold you back any longer. You can do this. This is the key to you truly living your best day every single day. The freedom is yours.

It Is Possible to Overcome Perfectionism

I truly hope this left your heart feeling incredibly encouraged and inspired. I hope you feel the freedom that this message brings by surrendering perfectionism in order to overcome the hold it has on your life for once and for all.

Through uncovering the root, redefining your expectations, and finally, breathing deep and releasing it all, I hope you are able to walk more confidently in pursuit of your dreams.  Dream more fearlessly and stand more solidly in the person that you are and the person you are hoping to become. Cheering you on every single step of the way! Have the best day!

Looking for More Inspiration on How to Overcome Perfectionism and Live the Life You Have Always Dreamed Of?

I get it, everything can always feel so overwhelming! If you are looking for more inspiration, as well as guidance on how to let go of the thoughts that hold you back then be sure to check out the three things you need to let go of in order to live your best life! Furthermore, if you are looking for guidance on how to build new habits that actually work and set you up for success. Check out the necessary steps to establish strong habits that actually work!

Finally, for your most overwhelming of all moments as you desperately work to get everything done, check out the six productivity tips you need for your most overwhelming moments! I hope these additional resources can help assist you in the process as you work to overcome perfectionism and live a life you can be so proud of!