purpose in vulnerability

One of my favorite feelings is when I have a word overflow building up in my body. I am not sure if I can explain it better than that, but simply words overflowing my own thoughts and turning into a force that cannot be reckoned with.. that is until I either start typing OR start writing and then I am able to truly realize what my heart has been working through. So I believe that this is what is happening in the moment and I am super excited because I am not exactly sure where this blog post is going to take me. So follow along for the journey and maybe just maybe you will find something that will speak a little encouragement to your heart. (and if not, then maybe just mine :))

It can be so incredibly easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of the world through the eyes of social media. I have been doing this blogging thing now for five weeks and I already can see the battle that is occurring between the walls of my head. And what I am learning is, this battle can be extremely dangerous. Using a blog, using social media, a platform and instantly connecting it to your worth. That is a scary thought. And for the last few days I have been sitting in a wave of discouragement, one that I feel like is continuing to form with the tide only becoming stronger. Yet, truthfully, I know this is silly, but I want to admit it to the world, or the world that follows my blogging adventure in hopes of finding strength in my vulnerability. And in that strength, a release to be fully me removed from the weight of comparison and the weight of insecurity. Freedom. Gracefully free 🙂

I think it can be so easy for all humans really, to overcome themselves with the feeling and need of being appreciated. It is in our human nature. We want so desperately to know that we are valued and that someone, somewhere needs us and feels appreciated by us. And when you take social media, and add it to the equation, immediately thoughts can turn into personal attacks based on how many likes or follows and “unfollows” one may be getting. And for this younger generation, social media has this effect. But in reality, no matter how old you are, you still get hit with these same feelings from time to time. And then there is comparison, the evil trap where humans can so easily become overwhelmed by all of those around them that they lose themselves in the process. And then you can take this even further and apply it to communication on social media in general. (Oh don’t even get me started on cyber bullying) And then when you really think about just how easy it is to type something into words and to press send… (and in some instances where those things that are typed and sent are so incredibly hurtful) and to think we are letting such a simple action determine worth and value, you are again reminded of just how silly this may be. Yet, it can be consuming and girls literally around the world are growing up, trying to find themselves in a place where they beat themselves down based on a number or a comment. And that is not okay. And as a high school teacher and coach constantly surrounded by kids growing up in this environment, it’s astonishing how powerful these things can truly be.

And continuing on that same note, over the past few days, as this battle has kept raging in my head and in my soul, so many thoughts kept circulating around, from why am I doing this? Should I just stop? Quit it all together? Does it even matter? Do people even care? And as I am sorting through all of these feels and treading through this wave of discouragement, the one thing that I keep coming back to in my heart, the one thing that I keep looking to in my head is my why. Why am I doing this? Why am I devoting time and money and so much of my heart to pursuing this outlet. Why is it that I am so desperately wanting to be heard? Why am I pouring so much of myself in the free time that I don’t really have to try and figure this whole blogging thing out, become an “influencer” and build an essential oils team and what not?

But.. when I think of my why, the answer is so incredibly easy.

Why?

I want to be able to use my words and my thoughts in order to help encourage a community of honesty and vulnerability. I want people to know that they don’t have to fake or hide their emotions, that it is perfectly okay to not be okay and that there is beauty and grace in the raw and the real and the authentic. I want to help foster a world of kindness in action and a world filled with intentional speaking. A place where people can feel equipped to build others up and encourage others to continue dreaming and believing, believing in themselves and in the goodness of humanity. I want for people to not fall into the evils of comparison and truly love one another and encourage others despite differences in belief. I want for people to feel confident and to feel good about themselves. I desire for people to realize just how important positive thinking is and how incredible speaking of life and positive affirmations over themselves are and that it can truly make a difference. I want for people to be able to live a life full of wellness, a life that is whole and free. I wish for people to have grace for themselves and easily extend that same grace for others and for love to be an overflow from the heart.

And when I think about this why everything becomes much more simple. Much more free. And if I take this same approach and same methods and apply it to my very world around me, then there is a overflowing freedom and encouragement at the same time, one that completely removes the fears and the worry and the self-doubt. A freedom that completely overrides comparison. A freedom to be the me that I was created to be and to know truly and firmly that I am more than enough.

So here is to continuing this journey, continuing to explore this new endeavor and doing so with an intentional freedom to being me and pursuing all of my dreams where ever they may take me!

xo. Haley